Top Ten Signs Your Teen is in Trouble It can be terrifying when you see a sudden change in your teen and don't know what to make of it. Sometimes, you may wonder: "What's normal?" "Am I making too much of this?" "Does she just want attention?" "Am I really the only parent who has a problem with this?" "Am I too hard on him?"The fact that you're asking these questions shows excellent parenting radar and a real concern for your child. While this list is not exhaustive, it's a solid start. It captures many of the problems I see come up in teen therapy. If any of the things listed below are happening with your kid, you're not making too much of it. It isn't about attention. You're right to be worried. Your child needs help, right away!Top Ten Signs Your Teen is in Trouble:1. Sudden negative change in peer group, friends they are not willing to introduce2. Social Isolation3. Bullying: either being the perpetrator or the victim of abuse is a concern and requires help.4. Self-harm: cutting, picking, burning, self-starvation, or high risk sexual behavior. If you notice a sudden dramatic weight loss, see any unexplained marks or scars, or if your child suddenly starts wearing long sleeves or more concealing clothing, look more closely. Ask questions. Get help!5. Any break-up with a best friend or first love that is being taken particularly hard: excessive crying, expressing feelings of hopelessness, or obsessive thinking, talking, or social media mentions about the loss are significant signs there's a problem.6. Substance abuse7. Falling or failing grades8. Dramatic change in appearance or lack of interest in basic grooming, extreme irritability or aggression, crying, expressing feelings of numbness and disconnection, change in appetite, or sleep pattern are all signs of DEPRESSION, and should be taken seriously.9. Lying or secretive behavior10. Expressing ANY thoughts of suicide: verbally, by gesture, or in writing The need for help is URGENT: if your teenager has a specific plan for how to commit suicide, access to the means of self-harm they describe, or an expression of intent to actually do it.If your kid starts giving away emotionally significant items, seem to be trying to tie up loose ends, or say "goodbye" to anyone, these are also RED FLAGS. If you see this behavior. or you have any doubts, get help immediately. Go to your nearest emergency room, call 911, or call the police Psychological Emergency Response Team (PERT). It's okay to err on the side of caution. In fact, it's a really good idea to call, if you have any doubt at all.Teenagers can get in over their heads really fast. It's alarming how quickly they can get into real trouble. They are more impulsive, while being less able to think long-range and problem solve, than adults. Teens can suffer from anxiety disorders, depression, addiction and serious anger management problems, just like adults. When this happens, teens really need help. If you're a parent and this is happening with your child, you probably need some help, too. These are complicated scary problems. It's important to have a person with professional psychological training assist you. There's a lot at stake. Things can get better, with the right guidance.Please, act quickly, if you notice any of the Top Ten Signs Your Teen is in Trouble. If you aren't sure, or have any questions, you can call me: Kristin Perry, MFT at: 760-978-6071. If you can't reach me and think it might be serious, please, call 911.A little rebellion is normal teenage stuff. A little moodiness is normal teen emotion. Being kinda bratty is normal teenager behavior. Raising a teen is tricky. An adolescent's process of becoming independent can be quite hard on everyone concerned. They're a little bit prickly, sometimes. Counseling can help with these normal developmental issues, too. Teen therapy can improve family relationships, communication and coping skills. Counseling can help get things back on the right track. It can also save your kid's life.Whatever your particular situation, I wish you much luck, love and peace as you care for your family.Take care!Kristin Perry, MFTKristin's Comfy Couch Family Counseling760-978-6071

Why would gifted people struggle in relationships?

After all, they can reason their way out of just about anything, have whip-smart minds, and can look at a problem from almost any angle. What gives?

Here’s the quick take: Just like gifted children, gifted adults are different from the norm. Their intensity, complexity, and deep-thinking minds don’t vanish once they turn 18.

Often acutely sensitive and highly attuned to the world around them, gifted adults still think outside of the box, grasp information at a faster pace, and hunger for intellectual stimulation.

But many have endured a childhood marked by social challenges — asynchronous development (where social maturity lagged behind intellectual strengths), a tendency to overthink their interactions, and an aching loneliness from feeling like a perpetual outlier.

As a result, many gifted adults missed out on the typical adolescent rites of passage and came late to the game when navigating relationships.

Here are some emotions and behaviors that can put a strain on relationships.Do any of these fit for you?

1. BoredomGifted people have little tolerance for boredom. This doesn’t mean they will tire of their partner, but it may be harder to find someone who is both an appealing romantic interest and intellectually stimulating. Some gifted adults have a limited number of friends as a result, or have had fewer romantic relationships because of their selectivity. They just cannot tolerate the prospect of being bored. It’s a dealbreaker.

2. ImpatienceTheir capacity for quickly grasping information can lead to impatience and frustration with a partner or spouse who is not as capable. Angry, critical or sarcastic comments, a tendency to take charge, or a pattern of overlooking a partner's contributions can take a toll on any relationship. Sometimes gifted people might even seem arrogant when they become frustrated with others' more pedestrian pace. (They don’t mean to be arrogant — they just can’t accept a slower grasp of information.)3. Pressure to succeedThe drive to achieve makes life more complicated. It can fuel an extreme, unrelenting focus on the task at hand, or harsh self-criticism when sometimes perfectionistic standards are not met. Individuals living with this internalized pressure may neglect their families and friends, value work over social/family relationships, and may be subject to mood swings and irritability.4. Always needing to be rightSince gifted people usually excel at what they do, some may assume that they always know the correct answer, at least in those areas where they have expertise. A pattern may develop where they must be right in any debate. With their exceptional verbal skills, they can defend their point and relentlessly pursue an argument until they win, or until their opponent (i.e., their partner or spouse) gives up out of frustration.5. Sense of isolationJust as in childhood, some gifted adults feel relatively isolated. They view themselves as outliers with few true peers. Sometimes depressed, and often feeling misunderstood, they assume that they have little in common with the general population, and spend a substantial amount of time alone. If they are in a marriage or relationship, they may avoid communicating feelings they assume their partner will not understand.6. Feeling awkward and insecureSome gifted adults retain a self-concept from childhood, and feel like they are in middle school all over again. Their discomfort in social situations can lead to isolation and an avoidance of activities they might actually enjoy. Some may try to mask their fears or offer excuses (I have to work tonight again), but ultimately, their insecurities may limit their ability to find, form, and sustain friendships and relationships.7. A need for alone timeMany gifted individuals are introverted and gain sustenance from time alone. Time to think can be restorative and fuel their creativity and inspiration. But partners or spouses may feel left out when their gifted partner retreats, and friends will become frustrated when social invitations are often declined.8. Indulgence in offbeat or multiple interestsSince they grasp information with such complexity and depth, and are often multipotentialites, many gifted individuals plunge into varied and sometimes offbeat interests with a startling amount of passion and intensity. Training for a marathon, building a deck, or writing their first novel require intense drive and focus — something gifted people have in abundance. When they come up for air, though, they may notice a frustrated and angry partner who feels sidelined and ignored.9. OversensitivitiesMany gifted adults also retain the heightened sensitivities and overexcitabilities that emerged in childhood. Spouses or partners who are less sensitive or reactive may become annoyed when their gifted partner is overwhelmed by too much sensory stimulation, becomes highly emotional, or needs to withdraw to regroup.10. Existential depressionGifted individuals may endure periods of existential depression as they grapple with what is meaningful and try to make sense of the world. Feelings of alienation, disillusionment and emptiness trigger a sense of despair — something increasingly common during these troubling political times. Existential depression takes its toll on partners of gifted adults as well, as they may feel powerless in their attempts to offer support.

Anyone can exhibit the above-mentioned behaviors. Gifted adults are not the only people who become impatient, bored, or question the meaning of life. But giftedness increases the likelihood that these patterns will unfold in adult relationships.When both partners are giftedRelationships become even more complex when both partners are gifted. Most people are drawn to friends and romantic partners whose IQ falls within a similar range. So both parties bring their emotional reactivity, sensitivity, impatience, and any of the above listed behaviors and coping strategies into the relationship. This may call for even greater self-awareness, improved communications skills, and empathy for each other's needs.

But here’s the good news

The above relationship hiccups are only a part of the puzzle. It’s not all bad. Most gifted people are, well, pretty cool. Creative. Intense. Passionate about what is most meaningful… which just might be you!

If you and your partner are gifted, relish the positives you both bring to the mix. Addressing some of the rough patches does not diminish the amazing, interesting, compelling reasons you are together in the first place.

In a future post, I will address approaches for managing relationship conflicts. Stay tuned!

Journal prompts:

What has worked for you in relationships with loved ones?

How have you grown and changed as you work on improving your relationships?

What feelings, situations, or fears interfere with tackling change?

How do I turn my gifted traits into something positive that will enhance my relationships?

Please share any ideas or tips in the comments section below. Thanks!

This article is similar to a post recently published on Substack.