Top Ten Signs Your Teen is in Trouble It can be terrifying when you see a sudden change in your teen and don't know what to make of it. Sometimes, you may wonder: "What's normal?" "Am I making too much of this?" "Does she just want attention?" "Am I really the only parent who has a problem with this?" "Am I too hard on him?"The fact that you're asking these questions shows excellent parenting radar and a real concern for your child. While this list is not exhaustive, it's a solid start. It captures many of the problems I see come up in teen therapy. If any of the things listed below are happening with your kid, you're not making too much of it. It isn't about attention. You're right to be worried. Your child needs help, right away!Top Ten Signs Your Teen is in Trouble:1. Sudden negative change in peer group, friends they are not willing to introduce2. Social Isolation3. Bullying: either being the perpetrator or the victim of abuse is a concern and requires help.4. Self-harm: cutting, picking, burning, self-starvation, or high risk sexual behavior. If you notice a sudden dramatic weight loss, see any unexplained marks or scars, or if your child suddenly starts wearing long sleeves or more concealing clothing, look more closely. Ask questions. Get help!5. Any break-up with a best friend or first love that is being taken particularly hard: excessive crying, expressing feelings of hopelessness, or obsessive thinking, talking, or social media mentions about the loss are significant signs there's a problem.6. Substance abuse7. Falling or failing grades8. Dramatic change in appearance or lack of interest in basic grooming, extreme irritability or aggression, crying, expressing feelings of numbness and disconnection, change in appetite, or sleep pattern are all signs of DEPRESSION, and should be taken seriously.9. Lying or secretive behavior10. Expressing ANY thoughts of suicide: verbally, by gesture, or in writing The need for help is URGENT: if your teenager has a specific plan for how to commit suicide, access to the means of self-harm they describe, or an expression of intent to actually do it.If your kid starts giving away emotionally significant items, seem to be trying to tie up loose ends, or say "goodbye" to anyone, these are also RED FLAGS. If you see this behavior. or you have any doubts, get help immediately. Go to your nearest emergency room, call 911, or call the police Psychological Emergency Response Team (PERT). It's okay to err on the side of caution. In fact, it's a really good idea to call, if you have any doubt at all.Teenagers can get in over their heads really fast. It's alarming how quickly they can get into real trouble. They are more impulsive, while being less able to think long-range and problem solve, than adults. Teens can suffer from anxiety disorders, depression, addiction and serious anger management problems, just like adults. When this happens, teens really need help. If you're a parent and this is happening with your child, you probably need some help, too. These are complicated scary problems. It's important to have a person with professional psychological training assist you. There's a lot at stake. Things can get better, with the right guidance.Please, act quickly, if you notice any of the Top Ten Signs Your Teen is in Trouble. If you aren't sure, or have any questions, you can call me: Kristin Perry, MFT at: 760-978-6071. If you can't reach me and think it might be serious, please, call 911.A little rebellion is normal teenage stuff. A little moodiness is normal teen emotion. Being kinda bratty is normal teenager behavior. Raising a teen is tricky. An adolescent's process of becoming independent can be quite hard on everyone concerned. They're a little bit prickly, sometimes. Counseling can help with these normal developmental issues, too. Teen therapy can improve family relationships, communication and coping skills. Counseling can help get things back on the right track. It can also save your kid's life.Whatever your particular situation, I wish you much luck, love and peace as you care for your family.Take care!Kristin Perry, MFTKristin's Comfy Couch Family Counseling760-978-6071

It's more than the usual chaos and uncertainty. Here's what families need to know.                                                            Image: Pexels/Caleb Oquendo

Parents of gifted or twice-exceptional (2e) children are tasked with a somewhat different back-to-school checklist.

Yes, the backpack, lunchbox, and basic school supplies are on the list. But parents of gifted kids face additional challenges that frequently differ from the norm.

The following are tasks to consider when shepherding your gifted or 2e child (who has a co-existing condition such as ADHD or a learning disability) back to school.

A checklist for the tasks ahead1. Consider what evaluations or supports your child needs

If your child has not yet received a cognitive or neuropsychological evaluation (and you have concerns about boredom or academic and social/emotional struggles), approach the school for your next step. It can take weeks, if not months, to schedule an evaluation, so submit your request as soon as possible. In many school districts, there is a specific protocol for requesting an evaluation. Ask your child’s teacher or the administration about what to do.

If gifted identification is mandated where you live (something that varies depending on your state or province), the school is required to provide testing. If not, you might need to search for a private evaluation, especially if your child is in a private school.

Based on results from the evaluation, your child may qualify for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), a Gifted Individualized Education Plan (GIEP) or a 504 Plan (examples of terms used to denote special services for students who qualify due to a disability or gifted cognitive abilities). These plans are typically devised in collaboration with you and your child’s teacher and a specialist (such as a reading specialist or gifted education consultant), and the school psychologist. Sometimes your child is also invited to these meetings, depending on their age.

Once there is agreement among all participants, the plan becomes a “legal document” that informs and mandates services your child should recieve throughout the school year. The plan is revisited at least once a year to assess progress and tweak what is necessary going forward.

If your child requires supports beyond gifted education, such as help with a learning disability or fine motor skills, services will include professionals, such as a reading specialist, occupational therapist, licensed mental health professional, or a tutor.

2. Request an IEP meeting as soon as possible

If your child already has an IEP, GIEP, or 504 plan, set up a time to revise the plan. What worked last year may not work now. Make sure a meeting is in place — even to touch base about how/when/where your child will receive the support they need.

Advocacy efforts, unfortunately, fall on you, since many education professionals are overworked and under pressure to manage a large classroom full of students with diverse needs. If you reside in an area without mandates for gifted education or your child attends a private school, set up a meeting with whomever is in charge of education support.

And sometimes, giftedness or twice-exceptional needs are overlooked or misunderstood (see: What Families Wish the Experts Knew). Educate yourself about your child’s challenges and what resources may be necessary.

3. Search for activities outside of school that support and feed your child’s intense interests

Look for activities where your child can thrive outside of the traditional classroom, hone their skills, and find true peers. Many times, these activities spark their passion and allow them to envision their future selves. Some examples include a film-making class, theatre, gymnastics, chess, robotics, music classes, or a math league.

Search for activities that are low cost. When my kids were in school, they thrived through participation in a local chess club. It challenged their intellect and was a healthy outlet for competition. Even better: the cost to join was $15.00 a year! As parents, we were thrilled that they found something they enjoyed… and equally thrilled that it was so affordable!

4. Search for extra-curricular activities unrelated to your child’s giftedness

Sometimes stretching themselves to try something new and different (and perhaps difficult) can open your child’s eyes to strengths they never knew they had. It also builds resilience.

Activities unrelated to school or your child’s cognitive giftedness broaden their horizons and offer new perspectives. When my kids were in elementary school, for example, they were expected to pick one sport and one musical instrument of their choice. This also set a template for stressing the importance of physical exercise and creative outlets.

5. Start planning for the following year

School may have just started, but think ahead to what your child might need going forward. Are they transitioning into middle school or high school next year? Do you need to advocate for grade or subject acceleration or more opportunities for ability grouping? Would they beneift from a different school or summer activity where their talents will flourish? Start your search early, as some programs, schools, or specialty camps fill up quickly.

6. If your child is in high school, start thinking about college

Learning more about college options, financial aid, and the best college fit for your child is essential. Gather information about what will boost your child’s options, such as a good score on the PSATs, classes focused on SAT prep, or dual enrollment at a college (see more about college planning here). Identifying a college that can provide support for students with twice-exceptional conditions also may be relevant.

Even if the school has a college counselor on site, you still know your child best and need to be involved with the college search. In my clinical psychology and consulting practice, I see how families often leave college planning up to their child or the school counselor. Many school counselors are overworked and may not be familiar with colleges that might be most compatible with a gifted or neurodiverse student’s needs. It falls on you to become knowledgeable about what college options are best for your child.

And most teens have trouble deciding what to wear in the morning! Why should we assume that they possess the maturity, foresight, or awareness of potential financial implications (such as exhorbitant costs or loan burden) to find the best college choice? Why would you leave the decision solely up them without your input or guidance?

7. Encourage opportunities for personal and developmental growth

Identify areas of growth that will help your child thrive. This might include a goal to work on social skills (encouraging your shy child to attend more social activities), developing improved executive functioning skills, such as planning and time management, or learning to help others.

Incorporate family values, such as generosity and integrity, and encourage them, for example, to shovel snow for an elderly neighbor or volunteer at an animal shelter. Help them set goals that are just as important as academics.

In my work with high school seniors who are already academically successful, sometimes their task for the entire school year involves taking social risks, learning time management, or developing greater confidence. These non-academic tasks are what psychologist and author Steven Pfeiffer descibes as character strengths that are essential for enhancing emotional intelligence.

8. Pay attention to their social well-being

Focus on what will support your child best with social or emotional struggles. Even the most well-adjusted, socially-connected child goes through tough times. But gifted and 2e children often have greater difficulty finding friends who truly get them.

If your child is young, it may fall on you to set up playdates, with an eye toward encouraging time spent with peers who relate well to your child. If they are older, though, you can still offer some guidance. For example, if your child is anxious, they may require some encouragement, role-modeling about handling difficult interactions, or goal-setting to ensure that they attend social events. If your child is highly sensitive, they may benefit from strategies that support them in stressful social situations. Sometimes, working with the school counselor, school psychologist, or a licensed mental health professional can help.

9. All A’s are not necessarily signs of success

Some gifted children breeze through school, but never learn how to weather academic challenges or develop executive functioning skills. They assume that school should be easy and they may avoid anything that is difficult. Underachievement can take many forms, and can be masked when your child seems to excel.

Working with your child’s teacher or gifted consultant may help. Your child may benefit from specific tasks that require greater effort or help them to develop planning and goal-setting strategies. If your child is perfectionistic, they may benefit from a grade-free option (sometimes available in elementary schools) where they work on a portfolio that showcases their progress rather than a targeted grade.

10. Pay attention to your own health and wellbeing

Raising a gifted or 2e child is a joy, but also quite demanding. As I mentioned throughout my book about parenting gifted children, your self-awareness and attention to your own needs is essential, along with developing a support network of friends, family, and parents of other gifted kids who can navigate this journey with you.

The back-to-school time may be fraught with challenges related to the transition and your own expectations (see: Back-to-School Blues). When you feel strong, clear about your parenting role, and supported by others, you are better equipped to offer the support and guidance your child needs.

Wishing you well for the upcoming school year!

Please share this with others who might be forming their own back-to-school checklists. 

A similar version of this article was published on Medium.